Post by Billythis drought--
a plow in the field
raises dust
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The problem here is that the two parts are too much the same thing:
"this drought" actually acts as an "embedded title" and - if you place
it as a title - you'll see that the image of the plow in the field
raising dust doesn't evoke much beyond the title. You should attempt to
evoke the idea of the drought via images that don't necessarily speak so
directly to the idea. Thus - without making too much of the thought -
you could extend the idea of drought to more metaphysical arenas: the
human level. So you could bring into play various images of - say - lack
of water. Something like that.
Post by Billywild flower
above the mantle--
teenage daughter
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July moon
filling the lake
with our nudity
This seems to me to be the most successful: it has a numinous
strangeness about it.
dmh