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Blood Skeleton / Will Dockery
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Will Dockery
2020-05-30 19:19:31 UTC
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Blood Skeleton

Barry the Bear
stood on the river bank
watching eels swim downstream.

The eels are free in the depths
they do not fear.
Some die on impact
on the rocks in the shallows.

Somehow
the great luminous eels
continue on
singing their songs.

Very few eels
make it to the sea
no men do.

The eels glow like the moon
singing crazy songs.

Barry called it gibberish
as he stood on the bank
watching the waves
flecked with illumination.

The great white eels
were moving
with the slow slushy current.

Barry went back
to washing his Econoline van
thinking about a coupon he'd found
free cup of coffee with purchase.

Up on First Avenue and over
awaited the machine guns
a green limousine
reptiles with some very real emotions.

An early Summer morning
down by the river
a couple hits of loud
washing a gold van.

There's a Detroit song
on the radio
as Motown ushers in the sun.

Barry turned his hat brim down
buffing wax on the van.

The night air
was heavy and metallic
the sky was copper
as dawn broke.

Over on the camp fire
a soup of roast fish
rice and sugar cane.

Barry the Bear re-lit
the smoldering blunt
and called someone
in a nearby phone booth.

-Will Dockery
philo
2020-05-30 22:18:13 UTC
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Post by Will Dockery
Blood Skeleton
Barry the Bear
stood on the river bank
watching eels swim downstream.
The eels are free in the depths
they do not fear.
Some die on impact
on the rocks in the shallows.
Somehow
the great luminous eels
continue on
singing their songs.
Very few eels
make it to the sea
no men do.
The eels glow like the moon
singing crazy songs.
Barry called it gibberish
as he stood on the bank
watching the waves
flecked with illumination.
The great white eels
were moving
with the slow slushy current.
Barry went back
to washing his Econoline van
thinking about a coupon he'd found
free cup of coffee with purchase.
Up on First Avenue and over
awaited the machine guns
a green limousine
reptiles with some very real emotions.
An early Summer morning
down by the river
a couple hits of loud
washing a gold van.
There's a Detroit song
on the radio
as Motown ushers in the sun.
Barry turned his hat brim down
buffing wax on the van.
The night air
was heavy and metallic
the sky was copper
as dawn broke.
Over on the camp fire
a soup of roast fish
rice and sugar cane.
Barry the Bear re-lit
the smoldering blunt
and called someone
in a nearby phone booth.
-Will Dockery
Good one.


Wish I had to time to read all poems posted here
Will Dockery
2020-05-31 08:55:57 UTC
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Post by philo
Post by Will Dockery
Blood Skeleton
Barry the Bear
stood on the river bank
watching eels swim downstream.
The eels are free in the depths
they do not fear.
Some die on impact
on the rocks in the shallows.
Somehow
the great luminous eels
continue on
singing their songs.
Very few eels
make it to the sea
no men do.
The eels glow like the moon
singing crazy songs.
Barry called it gibberish
as he stood on the bank
watching the waves
flecked with illumination.
The great white eels
were moving
with the slow slushy current.
Barry went back
to washing his Econoline van
thinking about a coupon he'd found
free cup of coffee with purchase.
Up on First Avenue and over
awaited the machine guns
a green limousine
reptiles with some very real emotions.
An early Summer morning
down by the river
a couple hits of loud
washing a gold van.
There's a Detroit song
on the radio
as Motown ushers in the sun.
Barry turned his hat brim down
buffing wax on the van.
The night air
was heavy and metallic
the sky was copper
as dawn broke.
Over on the camp fire
a soup of roast fish
rice and sugar cane.
Barry the Bear re-lit
the smoldering blunt
and called someone
in a nearby phone booth.
-Will Dockery
Good one.
Wish I had to time to read all poems posted here
Thanks for having a read, Philo, and right now I much prefer seeing your vast amount of poetry archived here... you will have time to sit back and read at some point, I expect.

;)
philo
2020-05-31 14:02:31 UTC
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On 5/31/2020 3:55 AM, Will Dockery wrote:


<snip>
Post by Will Dockery
Post by philo
Good one.
Wish I had to time to read all poems posted here
Thanks for having a read, Philo, and right now I much prefer seeing your vast amount of poetry archived here... you will have time to sit back and read at some point, I expect.
;)
Right now I'm converting to editable text, my 1985-2000 archives.

Taking the best out of those 5000 pages.

Doing only minor edits.

Once done with that...next year , hopefully , will take the best of that
and edit for publication.


As with my previous publications, will contain photos as well.
This one will be geared bit more towards text however.
Rocky
2020-06-04 00:19:50 UTC
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Post by philo
<snip>
Post by Will Dockery
Post by philo
Good one.
Wish I had to time to read all poems posted here
Thanks for having a read, Philo, and right now I much prefer seeing your vast amount of poetry archived here... you will have time to sit back and read at some point, I expect.
;)
Right now I'm converting to editable text, my 1985-2000 archives.
Taking the best out of those 5000 pages.
Doing only minor edits.
Once done with that...next year , hopefully , will take the best of that
and edit for publication.
As with my previous publications, will contain photos as well.
This one will be geared bit more towards text however.
A worthy project….
Zod
2020-06-11 18:37:00 UTC
Reply
Permalink
Post by philo
<snip>
Post by Will Dockery
Post by philo
Good one.
Wish I had to time to read all poems posted here
Thanks for having a read, Philo, and right now I much prefer seeing your vast amount of poetry archived here... you will have time to sit back and read at some point, I expect.
;)
Right now I'm converting to editable text, my 1985-2000 archives.
Taking the best out of those 5000 pages.
Doing only minor edits.
Once done with that...next year , hopefully , will take the best of that
and edit for publication.
As with my previous publications, will contain photos as well.
This one will be geared bit more towards text however.
Sounds quite epic in scope,,,
ME
2020-06-12 19:21:59 UTC
Reply
Permalink
Post by Zod
Post by philo
<snip>
Post by Will Dockery
Post by philo
Good one.
Wish I had to time to read all poems posted here
Thanks for having a read, Philo, and right now I much prefer seeing your vast amount of poetry archived here... you will have time to sit back and read at some point, I expect.
;)
Right now I'm converting to editable text, my 1985-2000 archives.
Taking the best out of those 5000 pages.
Doing only minor edits.
Once done with that...next year , hopefully , will take the best of that
and edit for publication.
As with my previous publications, will contain photos as well.
This one will be geared bit more towards text however.
Sounds quite epic in scope,,,
Zod
2020-06-12 22:46:00 UTC
Reply
Permalink
Post by Zod
Post by philo
<snip>
Post by Will Dockery
Post by philo
Good one.
Wish I had to time to read all poems posted here
Thanks for having a read, Philo, and right now I much prefer seeing your vast amount of poetry archived here... you will have time to sit back and read at some point, I expect.
;)
Right now I'm converting to editable text, my 1985-2000 archives.
Taking the best out of those 5000 pages.
Doing only minor edits.
Once done with that...next year , hopefully , will take the best of that
and edit for publication.
As with my previous publications, will contain photos as well.
This one will be geared bit more towards text however.
Sounds quite epic in scope,,,
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Epic_poetry


Yes, it does......


***************An epic poem, epic, epos, or epopee is a lengthy narrative poem, ordinarily involving a time beyond living memory in which occurred the extraordinary doings of the extraordinary men and women who, in dealings with the gods or other superhuman forces, gave shape to the mortal universe for their descendants, the poet and his audience, to understand themselves as a people or nation.**************************8
Zod
2020-06-21 06:58:03 UTC
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Post by Zod
Post by philo
<snip>
Post by Will Dockery
Post by philo
Good one.
Wish I had to time to read all poems posted here
Thanks for having a read, Philo, and right now I much prefer seeing your vast amount of poetry archived here... you will have time to sit back and read at some point, I expect.
;)
Right now I'm converting to editable text, my 1985-2000 archives.
Taking the best out of those 5000 pages.
Doing only minor edits.
Once done with that...next year , hopefully , will take the best of that
and edit for publication.
As with my previous publications, will contain photos as well.
This one will be geared bit more towards text however.
Sounds quite epic in scope,,,
Seems that it will be...
ME
2020-06-12 19:23:29 UTC
Reply
Permalink
Post by Zod
Post by philo
<snip>
Post by Will Dockery
Post by philo
Good one.
Wish I had to time to read all poems posted here
Thanks for having a read, Philo, and right now I much prefer seeing your vast amount of poetry archived here... you will have time to sit back and read at some point, I expect.
;)
Right now I'm converting to editable text, my 1985-2000 archives.
Taking the best out of those 5000 pages.
Doing only minor edits.
Once done with that...next year , hopefully , will take the best of that
and edit for publication.
As with my previous publications, will contain photos as well.
This one will be geared bit more towards text however.
Sounds quite epic in scope,,,
What does epic in scope mean?
General Zod
2020-06-16 00:22:52 UTC
Reply
Permalink
Post by ME
Post by Zod
Post by philo
<snip>
Post by Will Dockery
Post by philo
Good one.
Wish I had to time to read all poems posted here
Thanks for having a read, Philo, and right now I much prefer seeing your vast amount of poetry archived here... you will have time to sit back and read at some point, I expect.
;)
Right now I'm converting to editable text, my 1985-2000 archives.
Taking the best out of those 5000 pages.
Doing only minor edits.
Once done with that...next year , hopefully , will take the best of that
and edit for publication.
As with my previous publications, will contain photos as well.
This one will be geared bit more towards text however.
Sounds quite epic in scope,,,
What does epic in scope mean?
On a par with epic poetry...

Ha ha ha..
Zod
2020-06-12 19:28:00 UTC
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Post by Dental River
Is "Barry" meant to signify Dental River, and this poem intended as a satire on his generally impenetrable works?
Barry is apparently a talking, van driving bear in a surreal cartoon universe, not difficult to understand at all..!
How can that be called satire without even changing the particulars?
You are really a cartoon bear...?
Heathcliff
2020-06-15 00:15:10 UTC
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Post by philo
Post by Will Dockery
Blood Skeleton
Barry the Bear
stood on the river bank
watching eels swim downstream.
The eels are free in the depths
they do not fear.
Some die on impact
on the rocks in the shallows.
Somehow
the great luminous eels
continue on
singing their songs.
Very few eels
make it to the sea
no men do.
The eels glow like the moon
singing crazy songs.
Barry called it gibberish
as he stood on the bank
watching the waves
flecked with illumination.
The great white eels
were moving
with the slow slushy current.
Barry went back
to washing his Econoline van
thinking about a coupon he'd found
free cup of coffee with purchase.
Up on First Avenue and over
awaited the machine guns
a green limousine
reptiles with some very real emotions.
An early Summer morning
down by the river
a couple hits of loud
washing a gold van.
There's a Detroit song
on the radio
as Motown ushers in the sun.
Barry turned his hat brim down
buffing wax on the van.
The night air
was heavy and metallic
the sky was copper
as dawn broke.
Over on the camp fire
a soup of roast fish
rice and sugar cane.
Barry the Bear re-lit
the smoldering blunt
and called someone
in a nearby phone booth.
-Will Dockery
Good one.
Wish I had to time to read all poems posted here
At least the poems will be here when you get time...
m***@yahoo.com
2020-05-30 22:44:48 UTC
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Post by Will Dockery
Blood Skeleton
Barry the Bear
stood on the river bank
watching eels swim downstream.
The eels are free in the depths
they do not fear.
Some die on impact
on the rocks in the shallows.
Somehow
the great luminous eels
continue on
singing their songs.
Very few eels
make it to the sea
no men do.
The eels glow like the moon
singing crazy songs.
Barry called it gibberish
as he stood on the bank
watching the waves
flecked with illumination.
The great white eels
were moving
with the slow slushy current.
Barry went back
to washing his Econoline van
thinking about a coupon he'd found
free cup of coffee with purchase.
Up on First Avenue and over
awaited the machine guns
a green limousine
reptiles with some very real emotions.
An early Summer morning
down by the river
a couple hits of loud
washing a gold van.
There's a Detroit song
on the radio
as Motown ushers in the sun.
Barry turned his hat brim down
buffing wax on the van.
The night air
was heavy and metallic
the sky was copper
as dawn broke.
Over on the camp fire
a soup of roast fish
rice and sugar cane.
Barry the Bear re-lit
the smoldering blunt
and called someone
in a nearby phone booth.
-Will Dockery
Geezus that made me sick. Like, corona-sick.

Sooner or later, karma is going to catch up to you, and Robert Frost's skeletal remains are going to rise from the grave, track you, hunt you then attack and murder you, video-game style.

That day is going to be glorious.
Zod
2020-06-01 16:54:00 UTC
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Quite good on second read......
i***@gmail.com
2020-06-04 04:01:26 UTC
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Post by Will Dockery
Blood Skeleton
Barry the Bear
stood on the river bank
watching eels swim downstream.
The eels are free in the depths
they do not fear.
Some die on impact
on the rocks in the shallows.
Somehow
the great luminous eels
continue on
singing their songs.
Very few eels
make it to the sea
no men do.
The eels glow like the moon
singing crazy songs.
Barry called it gibberish
as he stood on the bank
watching the waves
flecked with illumination.
The great white eels
were moving
with the slow slushy current.
Barry went back
to washing his Econoline van
thinking about a coupon he'd found
free cup of coffee with purchase.
Up on First Avenue and over
awaited the machine guns
a green limousine
reptiles with some very real emotions.
An early Summer morning
down by the river
a couple hits of loud
washing a gold van.
There's a Detroit song
on the radio
as Motown ushers in the sun.
Barry turned his hat brim down
buffing wax on the van.
The night air
was heavy and metallic
the sky was copper
as dawn broke.
Over on the camp fire
a soup of roast fish
rice and sugar cane.
Barry the Bear re-lit
the smoldering blunt
and called someone
in a nearby phone booth.
-Will Dockery
Excellent once again.
Will Dockery
2020-06-04 16:20:08 UTC
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Post by i***@gmail.com
Post by Will Dockery
Blood Skeleton
Barry the Bear
stood on the river bank
watching eels swim downstream.
The eels are free in the depths
they do not fear.
Some die on impact
on the rocks in the shallows.
Somehow
the great luminous eels
continue on
singing their songs.
Very few eels
make it to the sea
no men do.
The eels glow like the moon
singing crazy songs.
Barry called it gibberish
as he stood on the bank
watching the waves
flecked with illumination.
The great white eels
were moving
with the slow slushy current.
Barry went back
to washing his Econoline van
thinking about a coupon he'd found
free cup of coffee with purchase.
Up on First Avenue and over
awaited the machine guns
a green limousine
reptiles with some very real emotions.
An early Summer morning
down by the river
a couple hits of loud
washing a gold van.
There's a Detroit song
on the radio
as Motown ushers in the sun.
Barry turned his hat brim down
buffing wax on the van.
The night air
was heavy and metallic
the sky was copper
as dawn broke.
Over on the camp fire
a soup of roast fish
rice and sugar cane.
Barry the Bear re-lit
the smoldering blunt
and called someone
in a nearby phone booth.
-Will Dockery
Excellent once again.
Thank you for reading and commenting, Ilya.

;)
Zod
2020-06-09 21:59:00 UTC
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Post by i***@gmail.com
Post by Will Dockery
Blood Skeleton
Barry the Bear
stood on the river bank
watching eels swim downstream.
The eels are free in the depths
they do not fear.
Some die on impact
on the rocks in the shallows.
Somehow
the great luminous eels
continue on
singing their songs.
Very few eels
make it to the sea
no men do.
The eels glow like the moon
singing crazy songs.
Barry called it gibberish
as he stood on the bank
watching the waves
flecked with illumination.
The great white eels
were moving
with the slow slushy current.
Barry went back
to washing his Econoline van
thinking about a coupon he'd found
free cup of coffee with purchase.
Up on First Avenue and over
awaited the machine guns
a green limousine
reptiles with some very real emotions.
An early Summer morning
down by the river
a couple hits of loud
washing a gold van.
There's a Detroit song
on the radio
as Motown ushers in the sun.
Barry turned his hat brim down
buffing wax on the van.
The night air
was heavy and metallic
the sky was copper
as dawn broke.
Over on the camp fire
a soup of roast fish
rice and sugar cane.
Barry the Bear re-lit
the smoldering blunt
and called someone
in a nearby phone booth.
-Will Dockery
Excellent once again.
Agreed and seconded.....
Zod
2020-06-12 18:51:00 UTC
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Is "Barry" meant to signify Dental River, and this poem intended as a satire on his generally impenetrable works?
Barry is apparently a taking, van driving bear in a surreal cartoon universe, not difficult to understand at all..!
Dental River
2020-06-12 19:23:44 UTC
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Is "Barry" meant to signify Dental River, and this poem intended as a satire on his generally impenetrable works?
Barry is apparently a talking, van driving bear in a surreal cartoon universe, not difficult to understand at all..!
How can that be called satire without even changing the particulars?
Zod
2020-06-12 20:44:00 UTC
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Post by Dental River
Is "Barry" meant to signify Dental River, and this poem intended as a satire on his generally impenetrable works?
Barry is apparently a talking, van driving bear in a surreal cartoon universe, not difficult to understand at all..!
How can that be called satire without even changing the particulars?
I do not know, but Pendragon is so clueless about your poem that he is begging me to explain it to him,,,']


Ha ha ha.....
Michael Pendragon
2020-06-13 01:35:47 UTC
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Post by Dental River
Is "Barry" meant to signify Dental River, and this poem intended as a satire on his generally impenetrable works?
Barry is apparently a talking, van driving bear in a surreal cartoon universe, not difficult to understand at all..!
How can that be called satire without even changing the particulars?
It isn't good enough to be considered an imitation.
Will Dockery
2020-06-13 01:58:48 UTC
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Post by Michael Pendragon
Post by Dental River
Is "Barry" meant to signify Dental River, and this poem intended as a satire on his generally impenetrable works?
Barry is apparently a talking, van driving bear in a surreal cartoon universe, not difficult to understand at all..!
How can that be called satire without even changing the particulars?
It isn't good enough to be considered an imitation.
The title is way too obscure, and I probably should have just named it "Barry The Bear". In the re-write, I think I will call the poem that.

In the first version, I had Barry using a cell phone, but it was pointed out to me that cell phones didn't exist as we know them in 1981, so I changed it to a pay phone.

So, yes, Barry would have to drive or walk to some location where there was a phone booth or other pay phone service.

Good suggestions, Pendragon, thanks.

;)
Zod
2020-06-13 07:32:00 UTC
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Post by Will Dockery
Post by Michael Pendragon
Post by Dental River
Is "Barry" meant to signify Dental River, and this poem intended as a satire on his generally impenetrable works?
Barry is apparently a talking, van driving bear in a surreal cartoon universe, not difficult to understand at all..!
How can that be called satire without even changing the particulars?
It isn't good enough to be considered an imitation.
The title is way too obscure, and I probably should have just named it "Barry The Bear". In the re-write, I think I will call the poem that.
In the first version, I had Barry using a cell phone, but it was pointed out to me that cell phones didn't exist as we know them in 1981, so I changed it to a pay phone.
So, yes, Barry would have to drive or walk to some location where there was a phone booth or other pay phone service.
Good suggestions, Pendragon, thanks.
;)
Well put...
Zod
2020-06-13 16:31:00 UTC
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Post by Will Dockery
The title is way too obscure, and I probably should have just named it "Barry The Bear". In the re-write, I think I will call the poem that.
In the first version, I had Barry using a cell phone, but it was pointed out to me that cell phones didn't exist as we know them in 1981, so I changed it to a pay phone.
So, yes, Barry would have to drive or walk to some location where there was a phone booth or other pay phone service.
"Barry The Bear" is a better title...
Michael Pendragon
2020-06-13 17:10:25 UTC
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Post by Will Dockery
Post by Michael Pendragon
Post by Dental River
Is "Barry" meant to signify Dental River, and this poem intended as a satire on his generally impenetrable works?
Barry is apparently a talking, van driving bear in a surreal cartoon universe, not difficult to understand at all..!
How can that be called satire without even changing the particulars?
It isn't good enough to be considered an imitation.
The title is way too obscure, and I probably should have just named it "Barry The Bear". In the re-write, I think I will call the poem that.
In the first version, I had Barry using a cell phone, but it was pointed out to me that cell phones didn't exist as we know them in 1981, so I changed it to a pay phone.
Your poem gives no indication that it's set in 1981.

If it's a fantasy piece about an anthropomorphic bear, human timelines wouldn't matter. IOW: The number of bears driving vans and using pay phones in the 1980s was no different than the number of bears driving vans and using phones in 2020.
Post by Will Dockery
So, yes, Barry would have to drive or walk to some location where there was a phone booth or other pay phone service.
Good suggestions, Pendragon, thanks.
Suggestion 1: Decide if it's a fantasy poem or not. If there's no reason for the protagonist to be an anthropomorphic bear, don't make him one.

Suggestion 2: Decide whether the eels have any direct bearing on the narrative. If so, you need to make their significance clear. If not, cut their time down from several strophes to a single mention.

Suggestion 3: Explain what the green limousine and the apparent hit is about, and how it relates to Barry -- and how Barry's call affects its outcome.

If you're working in fantasy, you need to make the non-fantasy elements as clear and believable as possible. We are able to accept the premise of Yogi bear because a) we have become accustomed to accepting anthropomorphic animals in cartoons, and b) because his quest to steal picnic baskets reflects what real bears in real national parks do.

An anthropomorphic bear staring at eels for several strophes is just plain weird. The unexplained car full of Mafia reptiles is even weirder. The fact that neither element makes any sense in terms of a narrative, makes the entire poem bizarre -- in the worst possible way.
Will Dockery
2020-06-13 21:27:41 UTC
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Post by Michael Pendragon
Post by Will Dockery
Post by Michael Pendragon
Post by Dental River
Is "Barry" meant to signify Dental River, and this poem intended as a satire on his generally impenetrable works?
Barry is apparently a talking, van driving bear in a surreal cartoon universe, not difficult to understand at all..!
How can that be called satire without even changing the particulars?
It isn't good enough to be considered an imitation.
The title is way too obscure, and I probably should have just named it "Barry The Bear". In the re-write, I think I will call the poem that.
In the first version, I had Barry using a cell phone, but it was pointed out to me that cell phones didn't exist as we know them in 1981, so I changed it to a pay phone.
Your poem gives no indication that it's set in 1981.
If it's a fantasy piece about an anthropomorphic bear, human timelines wouldn't matter. IOW: The number of bears driving vans and using pay phones in the 1980s was no different than the number of bears driving vans and using phones in 2020.
Post by Will Dockery
So, yes, Barry would have to drive or walk to some location where there was a phone booth or other pay phone service.
Good suggestions, Pendragon, thanks.
Suggestion 1: Decide if it's a fantasy poem or not. If there's no reason for the protagonist to be an anthropomorphic bear, don't make him one.
Suggestion 2: Decide whether the eels have any direct bearing on the narrative. If so, you need to make their significance clear. If not, cut their time down from several strophes to a single mention.
Suggestion 3: Explain what the green limousine and the apparent hit is about, and how it relates to Barry -- and how Barry's call affects its outcome.
If you're working in fantasy, you need to make the non-fantasy elements as clear and believable as possible. We are able to accept the premise of Yogi bear because a) we have become accustomed to accepting anthropomorphic animals in cartoons, and b) because his quest to steal picnic baskets reflects what real bears in real national parks do.
An anthropomorphic bear staring at eels for several strophes is just plain weird. The unexplained car full of Mafia reptiles is even weirder. The fact that neither element makes any sense in terms of a narrative, makes the entire poem bizarre -- in the worst possible way.
I haven't decided what to do with this poem, except to change the name to "Barry the Bear" eventually.
Zod
2020-06-13 21:42:00 UTC
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Post by Will Dockery
Post by Michael Pendragon
Post by Will Dockery
Post by Michael Pendragon
Post by Dental River
Is "Barry" meant to signify Dental River, and this poem intended as a satire on his generally impenetrable works?
Barry is apparently a talking, van driving bear in a surreal cartoon universe, not difficult to understand at all..!
How can that be called satire without even changing the particulars?
It isn't good enough to be considered an imitation.
The title is way too obscure, and I probably should have just named it "Barry The Bear". In the re-write, I think I will call the poem that.
In the first version, I had Barry using a cell phone, but it was pointed out to me that cell phones didn't exist as we know them in 1981, so I changed it to a pay phone.
Your poem gives no indication that it's set in 1981.
If it's a fantasy piece about an anthropomorphic bear, human timelines wouldn't matter. IOW: The number of bears driving vans and using pay phones in the 1980s was no different than the number of bears driving vans and using phones in 2020.
Post by Will Dockery
So, yes, Barry would have to drive or walk to some location where there was a phone booth or other pay phone service.
Good suggestions, Pendragon, thanks.
Suggestion 1: Decide if it's a fantasy poem or not. If there's no reason for the protagonist to be an anthropomorphic bear, don't make him one.
Suggestion 2: Decide whether the eels have any direct bearing on the narrative. If so, you need to make their significance clear. If not, cut their time down from several strophes to a single mention.
Suggestion 3: Explain what the green limousine and the apparent hit is about, and how it relates to Barry -- and how Barry's call affects its outcome.
If you're working in fantasy, you need to make the non-fantasy elements as clear and believable as possible. We are able to accept the premise of Yogi bear because a) we have become accustomed to accepting anthropomorphic animals in cartoons, and b) because his quest to steal picnic baskets reflects what real bears in real national parks do.
An anthropomorphic bear staring at eels for several strophes is just plain weird. The unexplained car full of Mafia reptiles is even weirder. The fact that neither element makes any sense in terms of a narrative, makes the entire poem bizarre -- in the worst possible way.
I haven't decided what to do with this poem, except to change the name to "Barry the Bear" eventually.
Is it considered a part of the continuity...?
Will Dockery
2020-06-19 17:31:33 UTC
Reply
Permalink
Post by Michael Pendragon
Post by Will Dockery
Barry is apparently a talking, van driving bear in a surreal cartoon universe, not difficult to understand at all..!
The title is way too obscure, and I probably should have just named it "Barry The Bear". In the re-write, I think I will call the poem that.
In the first version, I had Barry using a cell phone, but it was pointed out to me that cell phones didn't exist as we know them in 1981, so I changed it to a pay phone.
Your poem gives no indication that it's set in 1981.
Wow, I see that after the first post in the S.S. the date "July 1981" was left off. I'll add that date back in future re-posts.

https://groups.google.com/d/msg/alt.arts.poetry.comments/pDwlQpVS5SA/1LsfbbmqBQAJ
Post by Michael Pendragon
Blood Skeleton
Barry the Bear
stood on the river bank
watching eels swim downstream.
The eels are free in the depths
they do not fear.
Some die on impact
on the rocks in the shallows.
Somehow
the great luminous eels
continue on
singing their songs.
Very few eels
make it to the sea
no men do.
The eels glow like the moon
singing crazy songs.
Barry called it gibberish
as he stood on the bank
watching the waves
flecked with illumination.
The great white eels
were moving
with the slow slushy current.
Barry went back
to washing his Econoline van
thinking about a coupon he'd found
free cup of coffee with purchase.
Up on First Avenue and over
awaited the machine guns
a green limousine
men with some very real emotions.
An early Summer morning
down by the river
a couple hits of loud
washing a gold van.
There's a Detroit song
on the radio
as Motown ushers in the sun.
Barry turned his hat brim down
buffing wax on the van.
The night air
was heavy and metallic
the sky was copper
as dawn broke.
Over on the camp fire
a soup of roast fish
rice and sugar cane.
Barry the Bear re-lit
the smoldering blunt
and called someone
on his mobile gizmo.
-Will Dockery / July 1981
https://groups.google.com/d/msg/alt.arts.poetry.comments/pDwlQpVS5SA/1LsfbbmqBQAJ

=================================
Heathcliff
2020-06-21 00:22:59 UTC
Reply
Permalink
Post by Will Dockery
Post by Michael Pendragon
Post by Will Dockery
Barry is apparently a talking, van driving bear in a surreal cartoon universe, not difficult to understand at all..!
The title is way too obscure, and I probably should have just named it "Barry The Bear". In the re-write, I think I will call the poem that.
In the first version, I had Barry using a cell phone, but it was pointed out to me that cell phones didn't exist as we know them in 1981, so I changed it to a pay phone.
Your poem gives no indication that it's set in 1981.
Wow, I see that after the first post in the S.S. the date "July 1981" was left off. I'll add that date back in future re-posts.
https://groups.google.com/d/msg/alt.arts.poetry.comments/pDwlQpVS5SA/1LsfbbmqBQAJ
Post by Michael Pendragon
Blood Skeleton
Barry the Bear
stood on the river bank
watching eels swim downstream.
The eels are free in the depths
they do not fear.
Some die on impact
on the rocks in the shallows.
Somehow
the great luminous eels
continue on
singing their songs.
Very few eels
make it to the sea
no men do.
The eels glow like the moon
singing crazy songs.
Barry called it gibberish
as he stood on the bank
watching the waves
flecked with illumination.
The great white eels
were moving
with the slow slushy current.
Barry went back
to washing his Econoline van
thinking about a coupon he'd found
free cup of coffee with purchase.
Up on First Avenue and over
awaited the machine guns
a green limousine
men with some very real emotions.
An early Summer morning
down by the river
a couple hits of loud
washing a gold van.
There's a Detroit song
on the radio
as Motown ushers in the sun.
Barry turned his hat brim down
buffing wax on the van.
The night air
was heavy and metallic
the sky was copper
as dawn broke.
Over on the camp fire
a soup of roast fish
rice and sugar cane.
Barry the Bear re-lit
the smoldering blunt
and called someone
on his mobile gizmo.
-Will Dockery / July 1981
https://groups.google.com/d/msg/alt.arts.poetry.comments/pDwlQpVS5SA/1LsfbbmqBQAJ
=================================
You nailed it Doc....
Will Dockery
2020-06-27 20:37:41 UTC
Reply
Permalink
Post by Will Dockery
Post by Michael Pendragon
Post by Will Dockery
Barry is apparently a talking, van driving bear in a surreal cartoon universe, not difficult to understand at all..!
The title is way too obscure, and I probably should have just named it "Barry The Bear". In the re-write, I think I will call the poem that.
In the first version, I had Barry using a cell phone, but it was pointed out to me that cell phones didn't exist as we know them in 1981, so I changed it to a pay phone.
Your poem gives no indication that it's set in 1981.
Wow, I see that after the first post in the S.S. the date "July 1981" was left off. I'll add that date back in future re-posts.
https://groups.google.com/d/msg/alt.arts.poetry.comments/pDwlQpVS5SA/1LsfbbmqBQAJ
Post by Michael Pendragon
Blood Skeleton
Barry the Bear
stood on the river bank
watching eels swim downstream.
The eels are free in the depths
they do not fear.
Some die on impact
on the rocks in the shallows.
Somehow
the great luminous eels
continue on
singing their songs.
Very few eels
make it to the sea
no men do.
The eels glow like the moon
singing crazy songs.
Barry called it gibberish
as he stood on the bank
watching the waves
flecked with illumination.
The great white eels
were moving
with the slow slushy current.
Barry went back
to washing his Econoline van
thinking about a coupon he'd found
free cup of coffee with purchase.
Up on First Avenue and over
awaited the machine guns
a green limousine
men with some very real emotions.
An early Summer morning
down by the river
a couple hits of loud
washing a gold van.
There's a Detroit song
on the radio
as Motown ushers in the sun.
Barry turned his hat brim down
buffing wax on the van.
The night air
was heavy and metallic
the sky was copper
as dawn broke.
Over on the camp fire
a soup of roast fish
rice and sugar cane.
Barry the Bear re-lit
the smoldering blunt
and called someone
on his mobile gizmo.
-Will Dockery / July 1981
https://groups.google.com/d/msg/alt.arts.poetry.comments/pDwlQpVS5SA/1LsfbbmqBQAJ
=================================
Did you miss this post, Pendragon?
m***@yahoo.com
2020-06-27 22:23:46 UTC
Reply
Permalink
Post by Will Dockery
Post by Will Dockery
Post by Michael Pendragon
Post by Will Dockery
Barry is apparently a talking, van driving bear in a surreal cartoon universe, not difficult to understand at all..!
The title is way too obscure, and I probably should have just named it "Barry The Bear". In the re-write, I think I will call the poem that.
In the first version, I had Barry using a cell phone, but it was pointed out to me that cell phones didn't exist as we know them in 1981, so I changed it to a pay phone.
Your poem gives no indication that it's set in 1981.
Wow, I see that after the first post in the S.S. the date "July 1981" was left off. I'll add that date back in future re-posts.
https://groups.google.com/d/msg/alt.arts.poetry.comments/pDwlQpVS5SA/1LsfbbmqBQAJ
Post by Michael Pendragon
Blood Skeleton
Barry the Bear
stood on the river bank
watching eels swim downstream.
The eels are free in the depths
they do not fear.
Some die on impact
on the rocks in the shallows.
Somehow
the great luminous eels
continue on
singing their songs.
Very few eels
make it to the sea
no men do.
The eels glow like the moon
singing crazy songs.
Barry called it gibberish
as he stood on the bank
watching the waves
flecked with illumination.
The great white eels
were moving
with the slow slushy current.
Barry went back
to washing his Econoline van
thinking about a coupon he'd found
free cup of coffee with purchase.
Up on First Avenue and over
awaited the machine guns
a green limousine
men with some very real emotions.
An early Summer morning
down by the river
a couple hits of loud
washing a gold van.
There's a Detroit song
on the radio
as Motown ushers in the sun.
Barry turned his hat brim down
buffing wax on the van.
The night air
was heavy and metallic
the sky was copper
as dawn broke.
Over on the camp fire
a soup of roast fish
rice and sugar cane.
Barry the Bear re-lit
the smoldering blunt
and called someone
on his mobile gizmo.
-Will Dockery / July 1981
https://groups.google.com/d/msg/alt.arts.poetry.comments/pDwlQpVS5SA/1LsfbbmqBQAJ
=================================
Did you miss this post, Pendragon?
Did you molest your ego again, Dockery?
Will Dockery
2020-06-29 00:50:36 UTC
Reply
Permalink
Post by m***@yahoo.com
Post by Will Dockery
Post by Will Dockery
Post by Michael Pendragon
Post by Will Dockery
Barry is apparently a talking, van driving bear in a surreal cartoon universe, not difficult to understand at all..!
The title is way too obscure, and I probably should have just named it "Barry The Bear". In the re-write, I think I will call the poem that.
In the first version, I had Barry using a cell phone, but it was pointed out to me that cell phones didn't exist as we know them in 1981, so I changed it to a pay phone.
Your poem gives no indication that it's set in 1981.
Wow, I see that after the first post in the S.S. the date "July 1981" was left off. I'll add that date back in future re-posts.
https://groups.google.com/d/msg/alt.arts.poetry.comments/pDwlQpVS5SA/1LsfbbmqBQAJ
Post by Michael Pendragon
Blood Skeleton
Barry the Bear
stood on the river bank
watching eels swim downstream.
The eels are free in the depths
they do not fear.
Some die on impact
on the rocks in the shallows.
Somehow
the great luminous eels
continue on
singing their songs.
Very few eels
make it to the sea
no men do.
The eels glow like the moon
singing crazy songs.
Barry called it gibberish
as he stood on the bank
watching the waves
flecked with illumination.
The great white eels
were moving
with the slow slushy current.
Barry went back
to washing his Econoline van
thinking about a coupon he'd found
free cup of coffee with purchase.
Up on First Avenue and over
awaited the machine guns
a green limousine
men with some very real emotions.
An early Summer morning
down by the river
a couple hits of loud
washing a gold van.
There's a Detroit song
on the radio
as Motown ushers in the sun.
Barry turned his hat brim down
buffing wax on the van.
The night air
was heavy and metallic
the sky was copper
as dawn broke.
Over on the camp fire
a soup of roast fish
rice and sugar cane.
Barry the Bear re-lit
the smoldering blunt
and called someone
on his mobile gizmo.
-Will Dockery / July 1981
https://groups.google.com/d/msg/alt.arts.poetry.comments/pDwlQpVS5SA/1LsfbbmqBQAJ
=================================
Did you miss this post, Pendragon?
Did you molest your ego again, Dockery?
Just tugged on it a little to make sure it still work right.

;)
Zod
2020-07-01 00:09:13 UTC
Reply
Permalink
Post by Will Dockery
Post by m***@yahoo.com
Post by Will Dockery
Post by Will Dockery
Post by Michael Pendragon
Post by Will Dockery
Barry is apparently a talking, van driving bear in a surreal cartoon universe, not difficult to understand at all..!
The title is way too obscure, and I probably should have just named it "Barry The Bear". In the re-write, I think I will call the poem that.
In the first version, I had Barry using a cell phone, but it was pointed out to me that cell phones didn't exist as we know them in 1981, so I changed it to a pay phone.
Your poem gives no indication that it's set in 1981.
Wow, I see that after the first post in the S.S. the date "July 1981" was left off. I'll add that date back in future re-posts.
https://groups.google.com/d/msg/alt.arts.poetry.comments/pDwlQpVS5SA/1LsfbbmqBQAJ
Post by Michael Pendragon
Blood Skeleton
Barry the Bear
stood on the river bank
watching eels swim downstream.
The eels are free in the depths
they do not fear.
Some die on impact
on the rocks in the shallows.
Somehow
the great luminous eels
continue on
singing their songs.
Very few eels
make it to the sea
no men do.
The eels glow like the moon
singing crazy songs.
Barry called it gibberish
as he stood on the bank
watching the waves
flecked with illumination.
The great white eels
were moving
with the slow slushy current.
Barry went back
to washing his Econoline van
thinking about a coupon he'd found
free cup of coffee with purchase.
Up on First Avenue and over
awaited the machine guns
a green limousine
men with some very real emotions.
An early Summer morning
down by the river
a couple hits of loud
washing a gold van.
There's a Detroit song
on the radio
as Motown ushers in the sun.
Barry turned his hat brim down
buffing wax on the van.
The night air
was heavy and metallic
the sky was copper
as dawn broke.
Over on the camp fire
a soup of roast fish
rice and sugar cane.
Barry the Bear re-lit
the smoldering blunt
and called someone
on his mobile gizmo.
-Will Dockery / July 1981
https://groups.google.com/d/msg/alt.arts.poetry.comments/pDwlQpVS5SA/1LsfbbmqBQAJ
=================================
Did you miss this post, Pendragon?
Did you molest your ego again, Dockery?
Just tugged on it a little to make sure it still work right.
;)
Ha ha ha....
Van (Van Couver)
2020-07-02 23:41:14 UTC
Reply
Permalink
Post by Will Dockery
Post by Will Dockery
Post by Michael Pendragon
Post by Will Dockery
Barry is apparently a talking, van driving bear in a surreal cartoon universe, not difficult to understand at all..!
The title is way too obscure, and I probably should have just named it "Barry The Bear". In the re-write, I think I will call the poem that.
In the first version, I had Barry using a cell phone, but it was pointed out to me that cell phones didn't exist as we know them in 1981, so I changed it to a pay phone.
Your poem gives no indication that it's set in 1981.
Wow, I see that after the first post in the S.S. the date "July 1981" was left off. I'll add that date back in future re-posts.
https://groups.google.com/d/msg/alt.arts.poetry.comments/pDwlQpVS5SA/1LsfbbmqBQAJ
Post by Michael Pendragon
Blood Skeleton
Barry the Bear
stood on the river bank
watching eels swim downstream.
The eels are free in the depths
they do not fear.
Some die on impact
on the rocks in the shallows.
Somehow
the great luminous eels
continue on
singing their songs.
Very few eels
make it to the sea
no men do.
The eels glow like the moon
singing crazy songs.
Barry called it gibberish
as he stood on the bank
watching the waves
flecked with illumination.
The great white eels
were moving
with the slow slushy current.
Barry went back
to washing his Econoline van
thinking about a coupon he'd found
free cup of coffee with purchase.
Up on First Avenue and over
awaited the machine guns
a green limousine
men with some very real emotions.
An early Summer morning
down by the river
a couple hits of loud
washing a gold van.
There's a Detroit song
on the radio
as Motown ushers in the sun.
Barry turned his hat brim down
buffing wax on the van.
The night air
was heavy and metallic
the sky was copper
as dawn broke.
Over on the camp fire
a soup of roast fish
rice and sugar cane.
Barry the Bear re-lit
the smoldering blunt
and called someone
on his mobile gizmo.
-Will Dockery / July 1981
https://groups.google.com/d/msg/alt.arts.poetry.comments/pDwlQpVS5SA/1LsfbbmqBQAJ
=================================
Did you miss this post, Pendragon?
Apparently he did....

Pen is not as swift as he fancies himself to be....
Zod
2020-06-13 07:14:00 UTC
Reply
Permalink
Post by Dental River
Is "Barry" meant to signify Dental River, and this poem intended as a satire on his generally impenetrable works?
Barry is apparently a talking, van driving bear in a surreal cartoon universe, not difficult to understand at all..!
How can that be called satire without even changing the particulars?
It isn't xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxx
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Your understanding of modern poetry is too minimal fr you to make that call, Voodoo Boy...
Will Dockery
2020-06-27 20:22:06 UTC
Reply
Permalink
Post by Michael Pendragon
Post by Dental River
Is "Barry" meant to signify Dental River, and this poem intended as a satire on his generally impenetrable works?
Barry is apparently a talking, van driving bear in a surreal cartoon universe, not difficult to understand at all..!
How can that be called satire without even changing the particulars?
It isn't good enough to be considered an imitation.
Plus, having been written in July 1981 it predates Dental River's poem by almost 40 years.
Michael Pendragon
2020-06-27 20:33:33 UTC
Reply
Permalink
Post by Will Dockery
Post by Michael Pendragon
Post by Dental River
Is "Barry" meant to signify Dental River, and this poem intended as a satire on his generally impenetrable works?
Barry is apparently a talking, van driving bear in a surreal cartoon universe, not difficult to understand at all..!
How can that be called satire without even changing the particulars?
It isn't good enough to be considered an imitation.
Plus, having been written in July 1981 it predates Dental River's poem by almost 40 years.
So, it turns out that this was yet another of those "new" poems that you'd written for the Sampler.
Zod
2020-06-30 00:30:18 UTC
Reply
Permalink
Post by Will Dockery
Post by Michael Pendragon
Post by Dental River
Is "Barry" meant to signify Dental River, and this poem intended as a satire on his generally impenetrable works?
Barry is apparently a talking, van driving bear in a surreal cartoon universe, not difficult to understand at all..!
How can that be called satire without even changing the particulars?
It isn't good enough to be considered an imitation.
Plus, having been written in July 1981 it predates Dental River's poem by almost 40 years.
Exactly.....
Van (Van Couver)
2020-07-02 23:50:32 UTC
Reply
Permalink
Post by Will Dockery
Post by Michael Pendragon
Post by Dental River
Is "Barry" meant to signify Dental River, and this poem intended as a satire on his generally impenetrable works?
Barry is apparently a talking, van driving bear in a surreal cartoon universe, not difficult to understand at all..!
How can that be called satire without even changing the particulars?
It isn't good enough to be considered an imitation.
Plus, having been written in July 1981 it predates Dental River's poem by almost 40 years.
Exactly....

Zod
2020-06-13 15:22:00 UTC
Reply
Permalink
Barry is apparently a talking, van driving bear in a surreal cartoon universe, not difficult to understand at all..!
How can that be called satire xxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxx
It isn't.....
Zod
2020-06-12 19:33:00 UTC
Reply
Permalink
Post by ME
Post by Zod
Post by philo
<snip>
Post by Will Dockery
Post by philo
Good one.
Wish I had to time to read all poems posted here
Thanks for having a read, Philo, and right now I much prefer seeing your vast amount of poetry archived here... you will have time to sit back and read at some point, I expect.
;)
Right now I'm converting to editable text, my 1985-2000 archives.
Taking the best out of those 5000 pages.
Doing only minor edits.
Once done with that...next year , hopefully , will take the best of that
and edit for publication.
As with my previous publications, will contain photos as well.
This one will be geared bit more towards text however.
Sounds quite epic in scope,,,
What does epic in scope mean?
Try looking it up..

Ha ha ha....
Zod
2020-06-12 20:06:00 UTC
Reply
Permalink
**********
Blood Skeleton
by Will Dockery
Barry would not be washing/buffing his van in the dark. Nor would he be spotting any eels (luminosity aside) in the river
The ells were glowing like the moon....
Zod
2020-06-19 10:20:00 UTC
Reply
Permalink
**********
Blood Skeleton
by Will Dockery
Barry would not be washing/buffing his van in the dark. Nor would he be spotting any eels (luminosity aside) in the river
The eels were glowing like the moon....

Did you miss that part..?
Michael Pendragon
2020-06-19 13:39:37 UTC
Reply
Permalink
Post by Zod
**********
Blood Skeleton
by Will Dockery
Barry would not be washing/buffing his van in the dark. Nor would he be spotting any eels (luminosity aside) in the river
The eels were glowing like the moon....
Did you miss that part..?
Did you not understand "luminosity aside"?
Zod
2020-06-04 22:44:00 UTC
Reply
Permalink
Post by i***@gmail.com
Post by Will Dockery
Blood Skeleton
Barry the Bear
stood on the river bank
watching eels swim downstream.
The eels are free in the depths
they do not fear.
Some die on impact
on the rocks in the shallows.
Somehow
the great luminous eels
continue on
singing their songs.
Very few eels
make it to the sea
no men do.
The eels glow like the moon
singing crazy songs.
Barry called it gibberish
as he stood on the bank
watching the waves
flecked with illumination.
The great white eels
were moving
with the slow slushy current.
Barry went back
to washing his Econoline van
thinking about a coupon he'd found
free cup of coffee with purchase.
Up on First Avenue and over
awaited the machine guns
a green limousine
reptiles with some very real emotions.
An early Summer morning
down by the river
a couple hits of loud
washing a gold van.
There's a Detroit song
on the radio
as Motown ushers in the sun.
Barry turned his hat brim down
buffing wax on the van.
The night air
was heavy and metallic
the sky was copper
as dawn broke.
Over on the camp fire
a soup of roast fish
rice and sugar cane.
Barry the Bear re-lit
the smoldering blunt
and called someone
in a nearby phone booth.
-Will Dockery
Excellent once again.
Agreed and seconded...
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