Discussion:
Nightmares
(too old to reply)
Vinyl Cat
2019-09-02 20:13:17 UTC
Permalink
Nightmares (I)

They came to me every few nights.
flashes of being taken into a closet.
all I see are jeans and a red light.
and a blurry face.
I'm being forced to do something no child should ever do.
I don't know what I am supposed to do.
there is no one to help me, so I go along.
I wake up crying, "HELP!".
Mom would coddle me get me back to bed.
When I was a teenager, we got a visitor.
It was, the man from my nightmares!
It was then I knew, the worse of my nightmares are true.






Wrote 9/1/2019 7:42am
Will Dockery
2019-09-02 20:34:08 UTC
Permalink
Post by Vinyl Cat
Nightmares (I)
They came to me every few nights.
flashes of being taken into a closet.
all I see are jeans and a red light.
and a blurry face.
I'm being forced to do something no child should ever do.
I don't know what I am supposed to do.
there is no one to help me, so I go along.
I wake up crying, "HELP!".
Mom would coddle me get me back to bed.
When I was a teenager, we got a visitor.
It was, the man from my nightmares!
It was then I knew, the worse of my nightmares are true.
Wrote 9/1/2019 7:42am
Powerful poetry... yes, art is not always pretty.
Vinyl Cat
2019-09-02 20:41:43 UTC
Permalink
Thank you Will! I made two beautiful children and played the French horn beautifully. It may be a while before I write beautiful words or play beautiful music. But write and sing....I just may.
Will Dockery
2019-09-02 21:00:58 UTC
Permalink
Post by Vinyl Cat
Thank you Will! I made two beautiful children and played the French horn beautifully. It may be a while before I write beautiful words or play beautiful music. But write and sing....I just may.
The French Horn!

The late John Entwhistle, bassist for The Who, would whip his French horn out at certain times during their shows... just short riffs but were very effective.

At one and a half minutes in, Pictures Of Lily - The Who:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7BmkBroiw1s

bigsirenguy wrote:

"I love how John just pops that French horn outta nowhere..."
Vinyl Cat
2019-09-02 21:22:42 UTC
Permalink
It's the one of most beautiful sounding instrument.
Will Dockery
2019-09-02 22:30:41 UTC
Permalink
Post by Vinyl Cat
Thank you Will! I made two beautiful children and played the French horn beautifully. It may be a while before I write beautiful words or play beautiful music. But write and sing....I just may.
I like the poem just as it is, even the two longer lines match, and rhyme.

You are good. πŸ˜€

If I like it, I like it:
Vinyl Cat
2019-09-02 22:35:00 UTC
Permalink
Thank you Will!! 😘
NancyGene
2019-09-02 23:32:12 UTC
Permalink
Post by Will Dockery
Post by Vinyl Cat
Thank you Will! I made two beautiful children and played the French horn beautifully. It may be a while before I write beautiful words or play beautiful music. But write and sing....I just may.
I like the poem just as it is, even the two longer lines match, and rhyme.
You are good. πŸ˜€
Sure you would, because you are ignorant and don't know the first thing about how to write a poem, how to write a sentence, or how to write an unbouncing check.

The two longer lines are part of the famous rhyme scheme of: a,b,a,c,d,d,e,f,g,h,i,d.

If you like it, that doesn't make it good or tell the author that the poem is not seriously flawed. VinylCheshireKat's poetry is not "great" but at least she submitted something. Telling her that her poem is "great" is doing her a disservice.
Don Perryman
2019-09-02 23:34:34 UTC
Permalink
Post by NancyGene
Post by Will Dockery
Post by Vinyl Cat
Thank you Will! I made two beautiful children and played the French horn beautifully. It may be a while before I write beautiful words or play beautiful music. But write and sing....I just may.
I like the poem just as it is, even the two longer lines match, and rhyme.
You are good. πŸ˜€
Sure you would
As any true poetry lo9veer would.....

It is a fine example of Button Poetry......
NancyGene
2019-09-02 23:50:54 UTC
Permalink
Post by Don Perryman
Post by NancyGene
Post by Will Dockery
Post by Vinyl Cat
Thank you Will! I made two beautiful children and played the French horn beautifully. It may be a while before I write beautiful words or play beautiful music. But write and sing....I just may.
I like the poem just as it is, even the two longer lines match, and rhyme.
You are good. πŸ˜€
Sure you would
As any true poetry lo9veer would.....
It is a fine example of Button Poetry......
Hello, "Don Perryman." We are sure that the living person "Don Perryman" is thrilled that you are appropriating his name to which to attach your ignorant comments.
High Number
2019-09-02 23:53:22 UTC
Permalink
Post by NancyGene
Post by Don Perryman
Post by NancyGene
Post by Will Dockery
Post by Vinyl Cat
Thank you Will! I made two beautiful children and played the French horn beautifully. It may be a while before I write beautiful words or play beautiful music. But write and sing....I just may.
I like the poem just as it is, even the two longer lines match, and rhyme.
You are good. πŸ˜€
Sure you would
As any true poetry lo9veer would.....
It is a fine example of Button Poetry......
Hello, "Don Perryman." We are sure that the living person "Don Perryman" is thrilled that you are appropriating his name to which to attach your ignorant comments.
Okay, you have a point.....

How about all the impostors and forger trolls you encourage here every day, Nancy G?
NancyGene
2019-09-02 23:59:58 UTC
Permalink
Post by High Number
Post by NancyGene
Post by Don Perryman
Post by NancyGene
Post by Will Dockery
Post by Vinyl Cat
Thank you Will! I made two beautiful children and played the French horn beautifully. It may be a while before I write beautiful words or play beautiful music. But write and sing....I just may.
I like the poem just as it is, even the two longer lines match, and rhyme.
You are good. πŸ˜€
Sure you would
As any true poetry lo9veer would.....
It is a fine example of Button Poetry......
Hello, "Don Perryman." We are sure that the living person "Don Perryman" is thrilled that you are appropriating his name to which to attach your ignorant comments.
Okay, you have a point.....
How about all the impostors and forger trolls you encourage here every day, Nancy G?
Has "Don Perryman" ever posted at AAPC or been mentioned before by you or Will? Anyone you or Will shill for is fair game on AAPC.
Will Dockery
2019-09-03 09:43:14 UTC
Permalink
Post by NancyGene
Post by NancyGene
Post by Will Dockery
Post by Vinyl Cat
Thank you Will! I made two beautiful children and played the French horn beautifully. It may be a while before I write beautiful words or play beautiful music. But write and sing....I just may.
I like the poem just as it is, even the two longer lines match, and rhyme.
You are good. πŸ˜€
Sure you would
As any true poetry lover would.....
It is a fine example of Button Poetry......
Hello, "Don Perryman." We are sure that the living person "Don Perryman" is thrilled
I never knew there was a poet named Don Perryman, myself, but Zod actually reads a lot more poetry than I do, so maybe he did know:



Don Perryman reads "Was Melville Gay"
High Number
2019-09-04 00:37:18 UTC
Permalink
Post by Will Dockery
Post by NancyGene
Post by NancyGene
Post by Will Dockery
Post by Vinyl Cat
Thank you Will! I made two beautiful children and played the French horn beautifully. It may be a while before I write beautiful words or play beautiful music. But write and sing....I just may.
I like the poem just as it is, even the two longer lines match, and rhyme.
You are good. πŸ˜€
Sure you would
As any true poetry lover would.....
It is a fine example of Button Poetry......
Hello, "Don Perryman." We are sure that the living person "Don Perryman" is thrilled
http://youtu.be/KGRVsc10ESg
Don Perryman reads "Was Melville Gay"
Yes, I have read Perryman and I honor him and his poetics....
Michael Pendragon
2019-09-04 00:55:00 UTC
Permalink
Post by High Number
Post by Will Dockery
Post by NancyGene
Post by NancyGene
Post by Will Dockery
Post by Vinyl Cat
Thank you Will! I made two beautiful children and played the French horn beautifully. It may be a while before I write beautiful words or play beautiful music. But write and sing....I just may.
I like the poem just as it is, even the two longer lines match, and rhyme.
You are good. πŸ˜€
Sure you would
As any true poetry lover would.....
It is a fine example of Button Poetry......
Hello, "Don Perryman." We are sure that the living person "Don Perryman" is thrilled
http://youtu.be/KGRVsc10ESg
Don Perryman reads "Was Melville Gay"
Yes, I have read Perryman and I honor him and his poetics....
You certainly do not honor him by making such an ignorant statement about his work as the above.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Poetics
Vinyl Cat
2019-09-03 02:36:43 UTC
Permalink
Brainiac Five, Thanks Soo much!!
Zod
2019-09-02 22:39:34 UTC
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Post by Vinyl Cat
Thank you Will! I made two beautiful children and played the French horn beautifully. It may be a while before I write beautiful words or play beautiful music. But write and sing....I just may.
I bet you have some beautiful tits. Show 'em.
Hieronymous Corey
2019-09-02 23:04:23 UTC
Permalink
Don't be crude. Leave her tits alone.
Her tits are none of your business.
You shouldn't even mention her tits.
Don Perryman
2019-09-02 23:29:32 UTC
Permalink
Post by Hieronymous Corey
Don't be crude. Leave her tits alone.
Her tits are none of your business.
You shouldn't even mention her tits.
Hello my friend, how is your day going, Pastor C....?
Vinyl Cat
2019-09-03 02:32:46 UTC
Permalink
Pastor C, Good! Ready to write more. Waiting until the anxiety lets me.
Hieronymous Corey
2019-09-03 19:55:23 UTC
Permalink
If you're ready to write, then write.
What the hell are you waiting for?
The anxiety won't ever 'let' you.
You just have to do it anyway.

It will get easier, or it won't, and
you'll either continue because it
makes you feel good, or you'll stop
because it's too difficult for you.

Either way represents a path.
Take a step, then take another.
Perry Winkle
2019-09-04 00:56:29 UTC
Permalink
Post by Hieronymous Corey
If you're ready to write, then write.
What the hell are you waiting for?
The anxiety won't ever 'let' you.
You just have to do it anyway.
It will get easier, or it won't, and
you'll either continue because it
makes you feel good, or you'll stop
because it's too difficult for you.
Either way represents a path.
Take a step, then take another.
Hello there Pastor C....!
Vinyl Cat
2019-09-03 02:28:14 UTC
Permalink
Should I have not done that.... guess I should have read all the comments?
Vinyl Cat
2019-09-03 02:27:27 UTC
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Check out my profile pic. How bout them tittes!!! Get off my shit!
NancyGene
2019-09-02 21:57:39 UTC
Permalink
Post by Vinyl Cat
Nightmares (I)
It is not clear whether you are indicating that this is Nightmares I. in a table of contents, or Nightmares of yours (I), or the first poem of a series of Nightmares.
Post by Vinyl Cat
They came to me every few nights.
flashes of being taken into a closet.
all I see are jeans and a red light.
and a blurry face.
Why are you putting periods at the end of sentence fragments?
Post by Vinyl Cat
I'm being forced to do something no child should ever do.
I don't know what I am supposed to do.
You are being forced to do something but don't know what you are supposed to do as in seeking help? This is very awkwardly worded and should be rethought. Too many "do's" in your lines.
Post by Vinyl Cat
there is no one to help me, so I go along.
We would think that the child's reaction would be stronger than going along, even if it isn't a physical fight-back.
Post by Vinyl Cat
I wake up crying, "HELP!".
You just said that the child was going along, so why is he now crying help?
Post by Vinyl Cat
Mom would coddle me get me back to bed.
When I was a teenager, we got a visitor.
It was, the man from my nightmares!
However, it was established that the child of the nightmares only saw jeans, a red light and a blurry face. How does the child now recognize the man? The third line should not have a comma after "was." Too many "was" words, and they unfortunately line up as if the last line is going to be a repeat of the previous line.
Post by Vinyl Cat
It was then I knew, the worse of my nightmares are true.
We take this as saying that the nightmares were events that were actually happening at that time. We think you mean "worst" of the nightmares.
Post by Vinyl Cat
Wrote 9/1/2019 7:42am
Reread the above and think proper tense of "write." Anyone who reads that line would dismiss the rest of the poem.
Will Dockery
2019-09-02 22:14:53 UTC
Permalink
Hey now, Nancy G.

I feel I am being quite helpful... I snipped all your blather, after all.

;)
Vinyl Cat
2019-09-02 22:21:30 UTC
Permalink
I'm a first timer. Thanks for your comments.
ME
2019-09-02 22:32:27 UTC
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Post by Vinyl Cat
I'm a first timer. Thanks for your comments.
VC, you’d fair well to at least consider NG’s comments. They write and share new poetry on almost a daily basis.
They can be very helpful to newcomers that are interested in developing their writing talents.
Vinyl Cat
2019-09-03 02:20:21 UTC
Permalink
I thank NG for her comments.I also take in all criticism. I've never written before but I've got a big lifetime of stories to get out. Mostly bad and deep down very personal and about my childhood. I'm expecting maybe a chicken would maybe read it one day (reaching for high hopes) so I didn't go into great detail of my molestations, didn't feel the need to explain that or the nightmare. Thought mystery was good in poetry. I honestly didn't think there were "rules". I've been bullied most of my life which is why it's so hard for me to do this. But after I read Miss Nancy Grace's comment, I went and got some books to write in and I'm going to finish my nightmares so she can wonder what the hell happened to me. I'll tell her if she wants to know. I like telling my story, it's how I deal. I just don't think it's suitable for children.
High Number
2019-09-03 06:44:35 UTC
Permalink
Post by Vinyl Cat
I thank NG for her comments.I also take in all criticism. I've never written before but I've got a big lifetime of stories to get out. Mostly bad and deep down very personal and about my childhood. I'm expecting maybe a chicken would maybe read it one day (reaching for high hopes) so I didn't go into great detail of my molestations, didn't feel the need to explain that or the nightmare. Thought mystery was good in poetry. I honestly didn't think there were "rules". I've been bullied most of my life which is why it's so hard for me to do this. But after I read Miss Nancy Grace's comment, I went and got some books to write in and I'm going to finish my nightmares so she can wonder what the hell happened to me. I'll tell her if she wants to know. I like telling my story, it's how I deal. I just don't think it's suitable for children.
Well put, V.C.
The Real Will Dockery
2019-09-03 16:26:16 UTC
Permalink
Post by High Number
Post by Vinyl Cat
I thank NG for her comments.I also take in all criticism. I've never written before but I've got a big lifetime of stories to get out. Mostly bad and deep down very personal and about my childhood. I'm expecting maybe a chicken would maybe read it one day (reaching for high hopes) so I didn't go into great detail of my molestations, didn't feel the need to explain that or the nightmare. Thought mystery was good in poetry. I honestly didn't think there were "rules". I've been bullied most of my life which is why it's so hard for me to do this. But after I read Miss Nancy Grace's comment, I went and got some books to write in and I'm going to finish my nightmares so she can wonder what the hell happened to me. I'll tell her if she wants to know. I like telling my story, it's how I deal. I just don't think it's suitable for children.
Well put, V.C.
Agreed... and seconded.
NancyGene
2019-09-02 23:26:41 UTC
Permalink
Post by Vinyl Cat
I'm a first timer. Thanks for your comments.
When you write something, put it away and then read it again the next day or so. Look for contradictions and grammar. If you don't know the correct punctuation, leave that out.
Vinyl Cat
2019-09-03 02:30:41 UTC
Permalink
I did put it away and reread it. I did know it wasn't ready. I had (teaser) at first..I posted it sper of the moment. I knew it was going to be a series.
Will Dockery
2019-09-03 03:12:55 UTC
Permalink
Post by Vinyl Cat
I did put it away and reread it. I did know it wasn't ready. I had (teaser) at first..I posted it sper of the moment. I knew it was going to be a series.
The poem was damn good, call it a first draft and re-write it, if needed.
ME
2019-09-02 22:24:24 UTC
Permalink
Post by NancyGene
Post by Vinyl Cat
Nightmares (I)
It is not clear whether you are indicating that this is Nightmares I. in a table of contents, or Nightmares of yours (I), or the first poem of a series of Nightmares.
Post by Vinyl Cat
They came to me every few nights.
flashes of being taken into a closet.
all I see are jeans and a red light.
and a blurry face.
Why are you putting periods at the end of sentence fragments?
Post by Vinyl Cat
I'm being forced to do something no child should ever do.
I don't know what I am supposed to do.
You are being forced to do something but don't know what you are supposed to do as in seeking help? This is very awkwardly worded and should be rethought. Too many "do's" in your lines.
Post by Vinyl Cat
there is no one to help me, so I go along.
We would think that the child's reaction would be stronger than going along, even if it isn't a physical fight-back.
Post by Vinyl Cat
I wake up crying, "HELP!".
You just said that the child was going along, so why is he now crying help?
Post by Vinyl Cat
Mom would coddle me get me back to bed.
When I was a teenager, we got a visitor.
It was, the man from my nightmares!
However, it was established that the child of the nightmares only saw jeans, a red light and a blurry face. How does the child now recognize the man? The third line should not have a comma after "was." Too many "was" words, and they unfortunately line up as if the last line is going to be a repeat of the previous line.
Post by Vinyl Cat
It was then I knew, the worse of my nightmares are true.
We take this as saying that the nightmares were events that were actually happening at that time. We think you mean "worst" of the nightmares.
Post by Vinyl Cat
Wrote 9/1/2019 7:42am
Reread the above and think proper tense of "write." Anyone who reads that line would dismiss the rest of the poem.
NG, you read and offer a review, critique and/ or comments on the actual poem.
Others merely offer slurps.
That’s the difference between an audience and a communal circle jerk.
Michael Pendragon
2019-09-03 02:31:02 UTC
Permalink
Post by NancyGene
Post by Vinyl Cat
Nightmares (I)
It is not clear whether you are indicating that this is Nightmares I. in a table of contents, or Nightmares of yours (I), or the first poem of a series of Nightmares.
Post by Vinyl Cat
They came to me every few nights.
flashes of being taken into a closet.
all I see are jeans and a red light.
and a blurry face.
Why are you putting periods at the end of sentence fragments?
Post by Vinyl Cat
I'm being forced to do something no child should ever do.
I don't know what I am supposed to do.
You are being forced to do something but don't know what you are supposed to do as in seeking help? This is very awkwardly worded and should be rethought. Too many "do's" in your lines.
Post by Vinyl Cat
there is no one to help me, so I go along.
We would think that the child's reaction would be stronger than going along, even if it isn't a physical fight-back.
Post by Vinyl Cat
I wake up crying, "HELP!".
You just said that the child was going along, so why is he now crying help?
Post by Vinyl Cat
Mom would coddle me get me back to bed.
When I was a teenager, we got a visitor.
It was, the man from my nightmares!
However, it was established that the child of the nightmares only saw jeans, a red light and a blurry face. How does the child now recognize the man? The third line should not have a comma after "was." Too many "was" words, and they unfortunately line up as if the last line is going to be a repeat of the previous line.
Post by Vinyl Cat
It was then I knew, the worse of my nightmares are true.
We take this as saying that the nightmares were events that were actually happening at that time. We think you mean "worst" of the nightmares.
Post by Vinyl Cat
Wrote 9/1/2019 7:42am
Reread the above and think proper tense of "write." Anyone who reads that line would dismiss the rest of the poem.
NancyGene brought up excellent points and suggestions; in fact, her constructive criticisms are so thorough that I can't think of anything to add... apart from some desultory advice on AAPC, writing and criticism in general.

Always bear in mind that the best criticism is that which helps you to improve your work. AAPC works well as a comment/critique group (when it isn't being flooded with meaningless "bump" posts from Will and his sock) because people will take your work apart. They'll also let you know if a particular piece of writing isn't worth salvaging. In short, it's the perfect place for beginning writers to learn and improve their craft.

Will and his sock are from the "circle-jerk"/"reciprocal slurpage" school; that is, they believe in offering empty words of praise ("Outdamnstanding!," "One of your best!"), in exchange for similar commendations. If you're happier with poetry groups of that sort (and they are legion), try joining something like www.poemhunter.com or facebook poetry society (although they seem to have their share of in-fighting).
Will Dockery
2019-09-02 22:26:08 UTC
Permalink
Post by Vinyl Cat
Nightmares (I)
They came to me every few nights.
flashes of being taken into a closet.
all I see are jeans and a red light.
and a blurry face.
I'm being forced to do something no child should ever do.
I don't know what I am supposed to do.
there is no one to help me, so I go along.
I wake up crying, "HELP!".
Mom would coddle me get me back to bed.
When I was a teenager, we got a visitor.
It was, the man from my nightmares!
It was then I knew, the worse of my nightmares are true.
Wrote 9/1/2019 7:42am
As for being "helpful"... I like the poem just fine as it is.

;)
Will Dockery
2019-09-02 23:15:54 UTC
Permalink
Keep up the great poetry, Vinyl...

And ignore the trolls.

;)
High Number
2019-09-03 00:08:04 UTC
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Spoken like the true stalker troll you are, Nancy G.....
Will Dockery
2019-09-04 04:04:12 UTC
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Bottom line, the writing is good, and I look forward to the rest of the epic, Vinyl Cat.

;)

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