Discussion:
I Am Lost As A Wave/ Cc/ GT
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Gilad Timmings
2020-06-25 12:03:35 UTC
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I Am Lost As A Wave



I am lost as a wave that recedes
back to the horizon—
With moments that I’ve made,
gathering foam and froth,
gathering strength
only to break
at your feet
and recede
from whence I came.
--
Gilad
Antti
2020-06-25 12:08:00 UTC
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Post by Gilad Timmings
I Am Lost As A Wave
I am lost as a wave that recedes
back to the horizon—
With moments that I’ve made,
gathering foam and froth,
gathering strength
only to break
at your feet
and recede
from whence I came.
--
Gilad
Good one.
Van (Van Couver)
2020-07-02 23:49:47 UTC
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Post by Antti
Post by Gilad Timmings
I Am Lost As A Wave
I am lost as a wave that recedes
back to the horizon—
With moments that I’ve made,
gathering foam and froth,
gathering strength
only to break
at your feet
and recede
from whence I came.
--
Gilad
Good one.
Agreed and seconded…. again.....

k***@gmail.com
2020-06-25 14:55:39 UTC
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Post by Gilad Timmings
I Am Lost As A Wave
I am lost as a wave that recedes
back to the horizon—
With moments that I’ve made,
gathering foam and froth,
gathering strength
only to break
at your feet
and recede
from whence I came.
--
Gilad
Nice, I like the metaphor
George J. Dance
2020-06-25 18:33:38 UTC
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Post by Gilad Timmings
I Am Lost As A Wave
I am lost as a wave that recedes
back to the horizon—
With moments that I’ve made,
gathering foam and froth,
gathering strength
only to break
at your feet
and recede
from whence I came.
--
Gilad
That's nice. The thought is one I've heard before, but you say it quite eloquently. The only grammatical quibble I can see is that you don't need "from" with "whence."

I'm left wishing there was more to it; but what? Not more length, and I wouldn't tamper with the extended metaphor. Maybe do something with the visual to suggest a wave? If you think that's a silly suggestion, feel free to ignore it.
George J. Dance
2020-06-25 18:35:03 UTC
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Post by George J. Dance
Post by Gilad Timmings
I Am Lost As A Wave
I am lost as a wave that recedes
back to the horizon—
With moments that I’ve made,
gathering foam and froth,
gathering strength
only to break
at your feet
and recede
from whence I came.
--
Gilad
That's nice. The thought is one I've heard before, but you say it quite eloquently. The only grammatical quibble I can see is that you don't need "from" with "whence."
(Technically, you don't need "back" with "recedes" either, but I think the line sounds better with it.)
Post by George J. Dance
I'm left wishing there was more to it; but what? Not more length, and I wouldn't tamper with the extended metaphor. Maybe do something with the visual to suggest a wave? If you think that's a silly suggestion, feel free to ignore it.
NancyGene
2020-06-25 18:56:15 UTC
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Post by George J. Dance
Post by George J. Dance
Post by Gilad Timmings
I Am Lost As A Wave
I am lost as a wave that recedes
back to the horizon—
With moments that I’ve made,
gathering foam and froth,
gathering strength
only to break
at your feet
and recede
from whence I came.
--
Gilad
That's nice. The thought is one I've heard before, but you say it quite eloquently. The only grammatical quibble I can see is that you don't need "from" with "whence."
(Technically, you don't need "back" with "recedes" either, but I think the line sounds better with it.)
Post by George J. Dance
I'm left wishing there was more to it; but what? Not more length, and I wouldn't tamper with the extended metaphor. Maybe do something with the visual to suggest a wave? If you think that's a silly suggestion, feel free to ignore it.
We don't like the double use of "recedes." There are other words to use such as retreats, drops back, fades.
George J. Dance
2020-06-25 19:12:15 UTC
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Post by NancyGene
Post by George J. Dance
Post by George J. Dance
Post by Gilad Timmings
I Am Lost As A Wave
I am lost as a wave that recedes
back to the horizon—
With moments that I’ve made,
gathering foam and froth,
gathering strength
only to break
at your feet
and recede
from whence I came.
--
Gilad
That's nice. The thought is one I've heard before, but you say it quite eloquently. The only grammatical quibble I can see is that you don't need "from" with "whence."
(Technically, you don't need "back" with "recedes" either, but I think the line sounds better with it.)
Post by George J. Dance
I'm left wishing there was more to it; but what? Not more length, and I wouldn't tamper with the extended metaphor. Maybe do something with the visual to suggest a wave? If you think that's a silly suggestion, feel free to ignore it.
We don't like the double use of "recedes." There are other words to use such as retreats, drops back, fades.
"ebbs"?
NancyGene
2020-06-25 20:06:41 UTC
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Post by George J. Dance
Post by NancyGene
Post by George J. Dance
Post by George J. Dance
Post by Gilad Timmings
I Am Lost As A Wave
I am lost as a wave that recedes
back to the horizon—
With moments that I’ve made,
gathering foam and froth,
gathering strength
only to break
at your feet
and recede
from whence I came.
--
Gilad
That's nice. The thought is one I've heard before, but you say it quite eloquently. The only grammatical quibble I can see is that you don't need "from" with "whence."
(Technically, you don't need "back" with "recedes" either, but I think the line sounds better with it.)
Post by George J. Dance
I'm left wishing there was more to it; but what? Not more length, and I wouldn't tamper with the extended metaphor. Maybe do something with the visual to suggest a wave? If you think that's a silly suggestion, feel free to ignore it.
We don't like the double use of "recedes." There are other words to use such as retreats, drops back, fades.
"ebbs"?
Ebb was the first thing to come to mind, but that's such a cliche' now--from the ebb tide song especially.
Zod
2020-07-01 00:20:34 UTC
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Post by Gilad Timmings
I Am Lost As A Wave
I am lost as a wave that recedes
back to the horizon—
With moments that I’ve made,
gathering foam and froth,
gathering strength
only to break
at your feet
and recede
from whence I came.
On second read, one of your best, I feel....
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