2019-08-21 00:22:05 UTC
The solution for the partner is not to address negativity directed at her. It is to ask this question:
"If I'm so bad, why are you with me?"
Attempting to justify oneself in situations like that is nothing but bait for further abuse. One does not owe the next person self-justification if he chooses to act that way. Rather the solution is to reveal the dishonesty of the partner's conduct. If you were really bad, then the partner would not want to have anything to do with you. And if he insists on staying, then that means he's getting something out of the relationship.
The behavior of the attacking partner in such situations is that of theft. He gets lots of things out of the relationship; but instead of being fair and rewarding his partner with good treatment for all that he gets out of the relationship, he chooses to become abusive to his partner. He gets what he wants from his partner, then he attacks the partner. This is not rightful conduct, and men who do that must be revealed for the scoundrels that they are.
When attacked on moral grounds, the best solution is to see the moral corruption in the attacker. A relationship partner who behaves in this way is not morally rightful; he is vastly morally in the wrong. If he got nothing from the relationship, then he would go. Instead, the abusive partner gets huge things from the relationship; and instead of rewarding his partner with good treatment he instead decides to treat her like dirt.
The moral problem here is not with the person who's being attacked. It is with the person who is doing the aggression. Instead of wasting one's energy and one's time trying to justify oneself to such a person, the real solution is to call his bluff. If one was really bad, then he couldn't wait to leave the relationship. And if he chooses to stay, then that is because he is getting something out of the relationship; which means that he is obligated to treat his partner right.
Some rackets are done deliberately, and others are not as deliberate. In either case what we see is a racket. The more people who are vulnerable to abuse learn to see through such rackets, the more honest the people's existence.
And that means: More ethical, for real.