Post by Antti Post by George J. Dance
Over and Over Again, by Antti
The sun blazes on the sky
like electroshock therapy
for the dusty mind.
Thank you for posting it!
Well, thank you for letting me use it. It's the best poem I've read of yours.
I think 90% of English-speaking readers would probably have told you to change "on" to "in", as the sun is in the sky, not on it. As it is, the preposition is odd, and draws my attention. So I reread, and notice that you're not saying that the sun is on the sky, but "blazing on" it - which gives me the idea of the sky as a metal, shining with sunlight reflecting off it.
Which is the way it is in reality, of course. As we learned in elementary school, the sky is blue because the shorter blue and ultraviolet waves are being reflected back to earth by the ozone layer. So it's not just the sun shining light on us, but the whole sky that's shining - a complex image that you convey accurately with one little 2-letter word.
I tend to go on about how every word is important, no matter how small, and a poet must pay attention to each one. Thank you again, this time for the opportunity of making that point with a new example.